


Ephemeral

by queuebey



Category: K-pop, 소녀시대 | Girls' Generation | SNSD
Genre: F/F, SNSD - Freeform, Taeny - Freeform, dandyu, sunyeon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-20 18:35:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10668432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queuebey/pseuds/queuebey
Summary: Taeyeon had lost her will to live. Knowing that she only had 2 months left made her feel at peace for the first time in a long time.Sunny was finally getting where she had always dreamed to. Knowing that she only had 2 months left made her world crumble.





	Ephemeral

**Author's Note:**

> Decided to crosspost this on ao3! Can also be found on asianfanfics under the same username. This story means a lot to me so I do hope you enjoy if you choose to give it a chance! My first oneshot and first serious fic hehe.

Today was the day her life was going to be left behind.  
Precisely one month ago Sunny went to the doctor’s office for her yearly check-up. A few customary tests were done and some days after she was called back. That’s weird, she thought, that never happened. Usually, she’d just come to retrieve the tests’ results to confirm her perfect health.

“Hello, Ms. Sunny. I hope you had no trouble meeting me in such a short notice”  
“It’s no problem, Dr. Jung. But tell me, why was I called back?” she questioned the blonde doctor.  
“Well, you see, all of the tests you took turned out normal, except for one” Jessica told her on a serious tone.  
Sunny was tense, from the way she was talking, it didn’t seem like it was something simple like a flu.  
She continued, “We found some anomalies on your blood test. It’s probably nothing, but it’s better if you take some other tests just to be safe”.

Sunny laughed bitterly, it’s probably nothing. But as the rest of the month she spent taking test after test showed, her doctor couldn’t have been more wrong in that statement.  
As it turned out, she was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. Basically, for reasons doctors have yet to discover, her immune system had turned against her, attacking itself, seeing her own body as an antigen. Unfortunately, a cure was also unknown and so, Sunny was going to be hospitalised today to spend the last 2 months of her life on a hospital bed.

\-------------------------

When Taeyeon was woken up by her alarm earlier than usual, she found it odd at first, but then remembered. Most would panic at the thought, but Taeyeon didn’t feel a thing. If anything, she was thankful for her condition  
She stepped out of bed, brushed her teeth, took a quick shower and changed. Taking the bag she had prepared the day before, she locked the house and took a last look at it before getting in the car and driving to the hospital.

Once she got there and talked to the nurse in the front desk, she was taken to one of the rooms. It looked like any other generic hospital room, a tv, a couch for visits she wouldn’t have, a bathroom and two beds. She was told she was going to be sharing the room with another patient. Taeyeon didn’t mind, she couldn’t care less about anything anymore.  
She was instructed by a nurse whose name was Hyoyeon to change into one of those weird hospital gowns, and once she did, she laid on the bed, having everything be set up for her by the same nurse.  
The hospitalised girl couldn’t help but feel odd, apart from probably when she was born, she was never the one laying on the bed. Such thoughts brought back memories from when everything was ok and then suddenly wasn’t anymore.   
She decided to distract herself, she had 2 months to kill and it was probably not the best idea to spend them thinking of things that only brought her further down. So she turned the tv on and switched channels until settling for some dumb game show.

\-------------------------

When Sunny arrived at the hospital room, she was greeted by the figure of a girl fast asleep on one of the beds.  
“That is Taeyeon, you will be sharing the room with her” the nurse, Yuri, clarified.  
She changed into a hospital gown and laid on her bed. She wasn’t sure of what to do, but considering how tired she was for she failed to get any sleep the night prior, she decided to join her roommate in dream land.

Ironically enough, when she woke up later that evening, she had not had any dreams, a recurring fact ever since the news of her terminal disease was dawned upon her. The short-haired girl moved a bit on the bed and was startled by a voice to her side, “You’re awake”.  
She turned her head and saw the other girl looking at her, sitting in an upright position, “Uh, hi”.  
The situation couldn’t be more awkward, but the blonde didn’t seem to be affected by it, “My name is Taeyeon. What about yours?”  
“Sunny”  
“It is nice to meet you, Sunny” the other replied monotonously, contradicting with her statement.  
Just when the situation was about to get more awkward, Jessica entered the room.  
“Oh, I see you’re both awake, that’s great. How are you doing?”  
“Fine” the two replied in unison, in a monotone tone.  
“Ok, well, I will be checking up on you two frequently but if you ever need anything you can page the nurses you were assigned to using the button on your beds. You will be given three meals a day, breakfast, at 8 am, lunch, at 1 pm, and dinner, at 8 pm. I think that’s about it. Alright, I have to go now, goodbye, ladies” and she stormed out of the room just as fast as she entered. It seemed… Impersonal. It bugged the short girl.  
They were inside of a hospital to spend the last 2 months of their lives and yet were treated as if they were on vacation in some hotel. Everyone knew what would happen after those two months but were acting as if everything was ok. Sunny wondered what the other girl thought about the whole thing and what her story was but no more awkward talking happened between them that day. And after the generic hospital dinner was served, they went to sleep, ending the first of the 61 days they’d be spending there. 

\-------------------------

The first week was uneventful as ever. As Taeyeon soon became aware, there is only so much you can do stuck on a hospital bed. Dumb game shows weren’t doing it for her anymore and neither was her phone or the two books she read and re-read in that one week.  
As for Sunny, the only interactions she had with the girl were the ever so boring small talks about the news or how the food was so generic.   
Though on that day, Sunny got a visit.  
It was passed lunch time when someone knocked on the door and entered the room.  
“Sunny?”  
The tall girl looked around the room until she found her friend, letting herself in.  
“Soo!” Sunny said excitedly.  
Sooyoung gave her friend a sympathetic smile and sat on the edge of the bed, “How are you feeling?”.  
She shrugged, “Normal. I’m so bored though, entertain me”.  
The girl chuckled, “I knew you’d get bored eventually, so I brought you something like the amazing friend I am”.  
Sooyoung handed her a dvd box set of her favourite tv series, “Now you will have to watch it”.  
“Ugh, you’re evil” Sooyoung had been wanting her best friend to watch that particular series for a while now and she always refused, saying she was too busy. But the younger girl is not that evil, it is a win-win situation.   
“But thank you” Sunny continued.  
The tall girl gave a quick look at the side of the room and whispered to her friend, finally acknowledging the other girl’s presence, “Who’s that?”.  
“Oh, that’s Taeyeon” said girl turned her head to look at the duo, “Taeyeon, this is my friend Sooyoung”.  
“It is nice to meet you, Sooyoung” she said with a nod, receiving one back.  
“We are both… You know” the shortest of the girls said, making the situation suddenly awkward. Trying to loosen up the mood, Sunny cleared her throat and turned her attention back to her friend, “So, how’s Yoona?”.

The two continued talking for the rest of the evening, Taeyeon paying close attention to their conversation while pretending to be watching a video on her phone. It was rude to eavesdrop but it’s not like there was anything better to do.  
Sooyoung had to leave once visiting time was over and dinner was served. Sunny still felt bad for making the other girl uncomfortable earlier, so once they were finished with their meals she decided she’d talk to her.  
“I’m sorry for earlier” she said out of the blue.  
It took a while for Taeyeon to understand what she was talking about but then said, “Oh, that? It’s ok, really. No need to apologise”.  
“No, but really, I shouldn’t have mentioned it” the shorter of the two said.  
It, Taeyeon found it odd how people would always talk about their condition using that pronoun. Like one puppy died every time the disease was mentioned. In a way, she understood, most people don’t like to be reminded of their inevitable fate. Taeyeon wondered if Sunny was one of those people, if she was in denial, hoping that this was just a bad dream. She wondered if she had reasons to resent her condition, unlike herself.  
“I really don’t mind it. How I see it, this should be talked about. I mean, it’s why we’re here, right? It makes me uncomfortable how people keep avoiding to address the elephant in the room”.  
Sunny sighed, “I guess you’re right. I don’t know, it’s just some people don’t like to think about it. And honestly, I think I’m one of those people, one moment everything is ok and the other everything you’ve been fighting for doesn’t matter anymore, it’s kind of hard to accept that” Sunny said beginning their first actual conversation.  
So she is one of those people, Taeyeon thought. She wondered if she too would be in the same situation if she still had something to fight for. Though she couldn’t relate to her lack of acceptance over the condition, Taeyeon could relate to the feeling of having your world crumble, “I know how you feel, and I really don’t mind. But apology accepted” she said, flashing the girl a sympathetic smile.  
“But tell me, what did you do before all of this?” Taeyeon said, not wanting the conversation to end so soon. She had taken an interest on the girl, and if they were going to spend the rest of those 2 months together they might as well get to know each other.  
“I’m a photographer”.  
“Oh, that’s cool!” Taeyeon genuinely complimented.  
“Thanks, what about you?”.  
She shrugged, “I was a secretary at a dentist office”.  
They continued talking for hours, moving from subject to subject, but staying away from any delicate ones until falling asleep.

\-------------------------

That day was proven to be the icebreaker as for the next few days the girls made each other company and got to know each other better, though still not mentioning anything delicate.   
It was already the second Saturday of those 2 months and Sunny had yet another visit. This time, two people came.  
“Hey, Sunny” Sooyoung greeted, giving Taeyeon a nod shortly after.  
“Hi, Soo! Oh, and you brought Yoona”   
“Hey” the new girl greeted.  
“Yoona, this is Taeyeon” the short girl said pointing at her roommate.  
“Oh, nice to meet you, Taeyeon” the youngest of the four said shaking hands with the blonde.  
“She is Sooyoung’s girlfriend” Sunny clarified.  
“Oh, I see” Taeyeon’s tone suddenly turned darked.  
Sunny looked at the other and wondered why she suddenly sounded so sad. Maybe she had something against two girls dating. Well that is definitely not good, she thought. She made a mental note of talking to her about that later.  
“So, have you watched it?” Sooyoung asked, hopping on to her friend’s bed.  
“Just the first season” she replied.  
“And?” she asked on an expectantly tone.  
“It’s not bad”.  
“Not bad?! Excuse me?” the tall girl said sounding legitimately offended.  
“I mean, considering it’s one of the series you watch, I did think it’d be much worse, you managed to impress me”.  
Yoona immediately started laughing at that. Taeyeon also had some trouble keeping her laughs in.  
“Yah! Stop laughing” Sooyoung told her girlfriend on a playful tone.  
“I’m sorry, honey, but she’s kind of right”.  
“You watch it every week with me, how can you don’t like it?”.  
“You see, in relationships people need to make sacrifices for the ones they love” Yoona said, giving Sunny a high five.  
“You two are unbelievable. Why do I even deal with your shit?”.  
“Because you love us~” the two girls said in unison.

The day continued with light hearted conversations, some even with the participation of Taeyeon, until, again, they had to leave after visitation time was over.  
Right before going to sleep, Sunny remembered she was supposed to ask Taeyeon about what had happened earlier.  
“Hey, Taeyeon”.  
“Yes?” the girl said, turning on her bed to look at the girl on the other. The lights were already off making it hard to see and Taeyeon had almost gone to sleep already.  
“When I mentioned Sooyoung and Yoona were dating… Do you have anything against it?” she asked, deciding to be direct instead of bidding around the bush, something she learned the blonde was not all that fond of.  
“Um, no” Taeyeon answered, finding the question odd, “Why?”.  
“Is just that… You sounded, I don’t know, weird?”.  
“Oh, I-I just remembered some things is all” she clarified, deciding to be honest.  
“Huh? What did you remember?”.  
After a moment of silence Sunny regretted her question, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked”.  
“No, no, it’s ok. It’s just that… It reminded me of my ex-girlfriend” the blonde said, being thankful for the lack of lighting so the other wouldn’t see her face.  
“Oh”.  
Another moment of silence.  
“Wanna talk about it? I mean, only if you feel like it, it’s none of my business any-”  
“She left me”  
Sunny was speechless after that, what could she tell the other?  
“But that was a long time ago, I’m over it. Plus, it was for the better” Taeyeon said, uncertain of why she was even talking about it at all. When she thought about it, it was the first time she even mentioned it to anyone. It felt nice.  
“Hey, Taeyeon?”  
“Yes?”  
“Can I… Hug you?” Sunny didn’t know why she was suddenly making such a weird offer. She didn’t know how to comfort the girl but she knew she had to and the generic “I’m sorry” wouldn’t do it. Still, a hug may be too much and too awkward for the two, but even so, there she was, already making her way to the other side of the room, not even waiting for an answer.  
The short girl stood up from her bed and sat on the edge of the other’s. Taeyeon sat upright and they hugged. It was awkward, definitely. But considering the situation they were in and the feelings they have been repressing, it was nice to just hug someone.  
They remained like that for a while until Sunny separated from her and flashed her a sympathetic smile, returning to her hospital bed.  
When they were both ready to sleep again, Taeyeon said, so low she didn’t expect the other to hear, “Thank you”.  
But Sunny did hear it, and she smiled, even though she knew the blonde couldn’t see it.

\-------------------------

Sooyoung and Yoona visited the two again the next day. As Taeyeon was later informed, they’d be visiting them every Saturday and Sunday until the last week, when they’d take a break from work to spend every second they could with their two friends - because yes, during that short amount of time Taeyeon had already managed to get in the group of friends.

On Monday Sunny asked Taeyeon if she wanted to watch that series Sooyoung loves so much with her so they could laugh at how ridiculous it was together.  
They decided to make a game out of it, every time a particular cringe-worthy scene happened, because of how much the actors sucked, they’d screenshot their faces and each would make a meme out of it and send it to the group chat with the other two girls so they’d judge the best one. The winner got a cookie. Of course most of the times it was Yoona who chose the winner since Sooyoung would only spam them with ;-;.  
The rest of the week was spent like that.   
On Saturday, their two tall friends visited again. They spent most of the day teasing Sooyoung until she had enough and threw pillows at them, which generated a full-out pillow fight that ended with Yuri and Hyoyeon lecturing them on how irresponsible that was.  
So on Sunday when they came again they decided to act more “like the adults they were”, as said by Yuri. 

For the passed few days Sunny had been thinking about how Taeyeon never received visits. They had managed to get quite close during the span of those three weeks but never talked about anything too personal. Still, it bothered the girl, why would nobody visit her? If you know that your friend is dying you’d pay them a visit, right? That’s the least you can do. But nobody ever came for Taeyeon. Did she not have close friends? What about her family? Did anyone even know about her condition at all?  
So after they had both had dinner she decided she’d ask her, “Can I ask you a question?”.  
“Of course”. They were both laying down on their respective beds, facing each other.  
“This might sound weird but, how come you never get any visits?”  
“Uh”, Taeyeon was clearly taken aback by the sudden question but decided there was no harm on the telling the other, she continued, “There really isn’t anyone who’d visit me here, to be honest”.  
“Why?” the shorter of the two asked, confused.  
“Well… My parents passed away a long time ago and apart from them there isn’t really anyone in my family who cares. I was never close to anyone apart from them and when they died I guess I completely lost touch with the rest of the family”.  
“I see” Sunny said, taking in her friend’s words, and then asked, “What about your friends?”.  
“Oh… Would it be weird if I told you I don’t really have any?”. Taeyeon had never thought about it in such a blunt way, so putting it like that certainly made the situation sound odd.  
“But, how come? I mean, it’s just that you seem like such a friendly person…” Sunny cautiously said, trying to not offend the other.  
“Do you really want to know?” the blonde asked, followed by a short nod from the girl laying on the opposite side of the room. She took a deep breath and said “I was never the most popular person, but I’ve always had a handful of close friends. That was until…” another deep breath, “Until Tiffany left me… I was devastated and I guess I pushed everyone else away”, she paused “So this is my pathetic story for why I am a complete forever alone” she finished, trying to slightly change the subject.  
“No, don’t say that” Sunny quickly said, followed by “How long ago was that?”.  
“Two years ago? Yeah, I think so”.  
“I’m sorry for bringing it up”.  
“Hey, it’s ok. Plus, I don’t think I’ve ever talked about it to anyone, so I suppose it’s good to finally let it out” Taeyeon said.  
“Well, in that case, I’m glad” the other said with a smile.

\-------------------------

The fourth week was spent rather uneventfully, with Sunny and Taeyeon finally getting used to not being able to go out and be under a strict eating schedule. Not that it mattered all that much, they had each other’s company and, surprisingly, that was all they needed to not be consumed by the boredom they experienced during the first days.  
During the weekend, Sooyoung and Yoona visited again, though this time, the latter decided to spare them from having to be tortured by the first’s terrible favourite tv show by bringing a dvd box set of hers, which was, undoubtedly, much, much better. Of course, the whole meme contest was over, and even though teasing Sooyoung was an incredible form of entertainment, constantly cringing was not. So the two gladly accepted the gift.

The girls’ condition had many peculiarities, one of which was its unpredictability. Previous studies showed no pattern whatsoever in the way it behaved, one day the patient’s organs could be working fine and the other they’d be in desperate need of a liver transplant.   
But there was one characteristic all recorded patients shared: the death 6 months after the start of the disease. Basically, even if a patient didn’t experience any symptoms at all, after 6 months of its beginning, they’d die. The reasons for such an accurate happening in such an unpredictable condition were unknown, but the causa mortis was known to be the sudden stop of the heart, caused by the attack of all immune system cells against basically anything they’d encounter, which would cause the heart to stop functioning before any other organ was significantly damaged to kill the patient.  
Many of the them experienced sudden attacks to specific organs, but that was linked to their already precarious health, as healthy patients would only experience something at the end of those 6 months.  
Interestingly deadly as it was, it was also extremely rare, having about 100 cases ever recorded since its discovery on the 90s, so the existence of two patients in the same city was even less likely to happen.  
Both Sunny and Taeyeon discovered about the autoimmune disease months after its beginning, only being hospitalized 2 months before the end. Hospitalisation was required to control any unexpected attacks, which were unlikely to happen to any of them since both of their health’s was impeccable prior to it. Still, after about one month had passed, on Monday, they had to spend their day taking tests to make sure nothing had happened or that anything was set to happen.  
Fortunately, everything was ok, and the two were able to spend the rest of the week normally, that is, until Friday.  
It was precisely 6:24am when Sunny received a call from an unknown number that she decided to pick up anyway. She went to the room’s bathroom to take the call so as to not wake up the sleeping girl in the other end of the room.

Taeyeon woke up at 7:30am as usual, which would give her time to brush her teeth and maybe take a quick shower before breakfast. But one thing was different, when she turned around to say ‘good morning’ to her friend, she was not in bed, or anywhere else in the room. She then thought that the short girl was probably already in the bathroom, which was weird because even though they both had alarms set for 7:30am, Sunny usually would just put it on snooze until Taeyeon would playfully throw a pillow at her.  
So she tried going to the bathroom, only to find it locked, so she is there, she thought. The blonde was about to go back to her bed and wait for Sunny to come out when she heard a low sob coming from the other side.  
She knocked, “Sunny?” but no reply came. She was starting to get worried, “Sunny, what happened? Open the door!”.  
When no reply came again she decided to call one of the nurses to open the door, who knows what had happened to her. But before she could, she heard the door being open. When she turned around, she saw her friend standing up, phone in one hand and a bundle of toilet paper in the other. Her eyes were red and puffy from previous tears as fresh ones streamed down her face. Before the taller of the two could say anything Sunny ran to her and hid her face on the other’s neck while she continued to sob.  
Taeyeon’s hands came up to embrace the crying girl and she directed them sit on the edge of one of the beds.  
“Sunny, what happened?” she asked, worry permeating her voice.  
“M-My fa-father” the other said between sobs.  
“But wha-”.  
“He, he”.  
“He what, Sunny?” Taeyeon said softly while caressing the short girl’s back.  
“He killed himself” was all she could say before a stronger flow of tears took over.  
Upon hearing that, Taeyeon hugged her friend tighter, for there was nothing else she could do until Sunny calmed down. She was worried for the girl, already having to sustain the burden of her own upcoming death and now her father’s too?   
But what scared her the most was the fact that her father didn’t just die, he killed himself. She could only imagine the impact of receiving such news. Taeyeon wondered how their relationship was, never once had the man visited her friend, and then he decides to end his own life. What about her mother? Were her parents divorced? Why hasn’t she visited her daughter either? There were too many questions in her mind, but right now she could only think properly about the girl in her arms.   
The blonde changed their positions so they were both laying down on the bed, Sunny’s face still buried in the crook of Taeyeon’s neck while the latter hugged her.  
Once breakfast came, it was left ignored on the nearby table.  
After a while, Sunny fell asleep in Taeyeon’s arms, taken over by the exhaustion of hours of crying. The latter decided to let the girl sleep and ate her breakfast, the cold contents having turned warm and the hot ones having turned cold, but she didn’t care.

Then when lunch was delivered, she decided to wake her up since it had been hours since the girl had eaten, “Sunny?” she asked with a hand on the girl’s shoulder.  
The short girl’s eyes slowly opened, bright light invading her eyes, she groaned.  
“You should eat, you’ve already missed breakfast” Taeyeon softly said.  
Sunny sat upright on the bed and the other girl brought her lunch over to her.  
“I know this may be the last thing you’d want to do right now but you need to eat. Doesn’t have to be the whole thing though”.  
The short girl simply nodded at that and took some spoonfuls of mashed potatoes and rice while Taeyeon looked at her from the edge of the bed.  
Once she finished, leaving the salad and beef untouched, she looked up at the girl that was silently watching her and asked, “How did you… Deal with your parents’ death?”.  
Taeyeon was taken aback by the question and why Sunny would even ask her that, but quickly replied, “Well, at first, I was shocked, they died in a car accident so it was all very sudden and it was hard, but I knew they had done all they wanted to and were happy. I also had supportive friends who were there for me at the time, so I guess it all helped me moving on”.  
Sunny bowed her head down and thought about what the other had said, but I knew they had done all they wanted to and were happy, Taeyeon’s words echoed through her head, she knew her father was not happy, and there was nothing she could have done to help.  
After Taeyeon had not received any replies from Sunny, she decided to continue the conversation, “But you really should not be taking advice from me, I am the most hypocritical person when it comes to that”.  
Sunny turned her head to the side and frowned, not understanding what the other meant by that.  
“But this is not about me” Taeyeon paused, “And although you shouldn’t take advice from me, I’ve heard talking helps”.

Taeyeon learned many things about the other that day. Sunny told her about her mother’s death when she was just 5 years old, about how her father was devastated and turned to alcohol for comfort. She emphasised on how despite his instability, he never layed a finger on her and always made sure to provide her with all monetary assistance she’d need growing up. She talked about how he would sometimes not go home at night, which later she found out was because he was afraid he’d do something to his daughter, the only thing that still kept him sane. She told her about how she had not told him about her condition, but he had found out anyway, which was what led him to hang himself in a hotel room.  
Taeyeon tried comforting her as best as she could, crying along remembering the person she herself lost years ago.

On Saturday their two friends came over again and comforted Sunny. Taeyeon let them be since they both knew the man and would do a better job than her at making her feel better.  
Sunday was a bit more cheerful, with Sunny occasionally teasing Sooyoung and eating all of her food.   
After the two had left, Sunny decided she was sane enough to ask Taeyeon about what she had said on Friday. She knew the girl had many demons she has been keeping to herself for a long time and that was not good.  
“Taeyeon?” she asked after said girl had plugged her phone on the charger, getting ready to sleep.  
“Yes?”  
“Why would it be hypocritical of me to take advice from you?”  
“Why do you have a thing for asking me personal questions when I’m getting ready to sleep?” Taeyeon teased.  
“Asked you first” Sunny teased back.  
“Fair enough” she paused, thinking of a reply to the girl’s question, “Well let’s just say I once lost someone and let my life be ruined by it because I was selfish”.  
“Your girlfriend?”.  
“Oh, no” the blonde quickly denied, “She was one of the people I pushed away because of my selfishness and I guess with her my last bit of sanity left too and I just pushed everyone else away, but no, it was not because of her”.   
At the same time she was scared of where the conversation was headed to, she thought maybe it was time to let it go. Taeyeon knew too well that bottling it up did no good.  
“Because of who, then?” Sunny cautiously asked, wanting to know more about her roommate.  
“My best friend, Seohyun” she took a deep breath, “She… She had cancer” another deep breath, “She battled it for two long years but didn’t make it”.  
When Sunny didn’t say anything, she continued “Tiffany was by my side through the whole thing, she was her friend too and was devastated when it happened as well, but differently from her, I never moved on, I didn’t want to, I just didn’t want to accept I’d have to live in a world without my best friend and… Tiffany tried to help, she stayed with me for a whole year, miserably, hoping that her girlfriend would stop being such a pathetic coward and just accept that life goes on… But I never did, so she left me. I can’t blame her, she did the right thing, she chose her happiness over me and although I was selfish, I could never be ok with me ruining her life” she paused, “Then when she left I just pushed everyone else away and I honestly don’t know how I’m still here, how I managed to wake up every day and know that I ruined everything, that Seo would have been disappointed at me if she knew what I had done, because I still remember her last words, she wanted me to be happy but look at what I’ve done”.  
With tears in her eyes, Taeyeon looked at the girl on the other bed, she was crying, a lot.  
“Hey, why are you crying?” she said, battling her own tears.  
Sunny stood up from her bed and climbed on the other’s, hugging her, much like she had done on Friday.  
“Sunny wha-”.  
“Just shut up”.  
They cried themselves to sleep that day, but for Taeyeon, this time was different, all previous times she had cried, it was about how pathetic she was, but this time she felt a warmth she had not felt in a very long time. Perhaps she could move on.

\-------------------------

 

When their alarms rang the next day, only Taeyeon woke up, as per usual. She quickly realised she wasn’t alone in the bed, noticing the short girl in her arms. From the way their limbs were tangled, in order to get up she’d need to wake the other up, but she was sleeping so soundly the blonde decided to give her some more minutes.   
Taeyeon completely forgot she was supposed to wake the girl up after a couple of minutes, because apparently, observing sleeping people was very entertaining. So after a while it was Sunny herself who woke up, slowly opening her eyes and meeting with Taeyeon’s own.  
Their eyes were still a bit red and puffy from the passed night but neither cared, slowly drifting their eyes to each other’s inviting lips. Once they were about to touch, the door was opened, their breakfast had arrived.  
The two immediately sat upright, with Taeyeon clearing her throat. While the hospital volunteer was setting up the meal, Sunny moved to her own bed.  
They finished their meals without exchanging a single word, the awkward atmosphere coming back for the first time in 3 weeks.

During the rest of the week none of them wanted to address the elephant in the room or at least get over it, and as a consequence, few words were exchanged between them, making the week dull and uneventful for both. That is, until their two friends visited again, quickly noticing the awkwardness.  
“What happened between you two?” Sooyoung asked after 5 minutes with nobody saying a thing since they arrived.  
“Nothing” they said in unison.  
“Ok something is clearly going on” the tallest among them said.  
Sunny shot her two best friends a pleading glare, meaning for them to not talk about it, but of course that would only make them even more interested.  
“Did you fight or something?” Yoona asked.  
“No” Sunny replied honestly.  
“Ok so are we just going to stand here looking at the wall until you two stop being so awkward around each other?” Sooyoung bluntly said.  
“Really, guys, there’s nothing wrong” Taeyeon finally said.  
The tall couple exchanged a look, knowing that something very interesting was up. If the situation wasn’t delicate they’d be fangirling while jumping around the room, but decided to postpone that for when they were home.  
“Alright, if you say so” Yoona said, knowing very well there was more to it

The day progressed with Sooyoung and Yoona’s efforts to brighten up the mood and, surprisingly, they succeeded, managing to make the two other girls behave normally.  
At night when they had already left, they apologised to each other for being so stupid and watched a few episodes of the dvd Yoona had gifted them together.  
And on Sunday everything was ok again and all of the girls were back at constantly teasing Sooyoung, what made the latter question whether she preferred the awkwardness over this or not.

After nothing else had happened on Monday and they were acting as if they didn’t almost kiss and made a whole week awkward because of it, Sunny decided she had had enough. In normal circumstances she would just wait until something that brought them together happened, but they only had 2 weeks left, they had no time to waste and Sunny knew for sure she liked the other girl romantically and knew her feelings were mutual, at least to some extent.  
Surprisingly enough though, Taeyeon beat her to it, and after they had both taken a shower, she asked, “Sunny, can we talk?”  
The short girl knew she was the blunt one of the two, so having Taeyeon ask her instead could only mean their situation was bothering the other as much as her.  
“Sure, what’s up?” she answered, trying to sound oblivious.  
The blonde shot her a glare, “You know what’s up”  
“Ok, sorry. Yeah, I know”   
“I know it’s a bit of an awkward situation and all, but really, we should talk about this. I mean, I know this is all not just in my head, or was it?” Taeyeon was never very good with words but she hoped the other would understand what she meant.  
“No, it was not. You know, I think we should just get it over with” the girl said.  
“What do you mean?”  
“I mean” and with that, Sunny closed the space between them and joined their lips.  
Taeyeon’s eyes went wide with the shock, but were quickly closed.  
When they broke the kiss, Sunny said “See, it wasn’t so bad, was it?”.  
Before Sunny could receive a reply, her lips were attacked by the taller.

\-------------------------

After making their relationship official, and by official they meant calling Sooyoung and Yoona and almost becoming deaf from their screams and squeals, Taeyeon started thinking about many things, but the main feeling that permeated her thoughts was frustration.  
When Jessica first told her she was going to die in 2 months, she couldn’t have cared less, it had been a long time since she had felt anything close from the wish to live, but at the same time, she was so deep down in depression that she was incapable of pitying herself. She felt too numb and empty to even want to spare herself from the miserableness she had put herself into. So upon hearing the news, the closest thing to a feeling she felt was relief. Perhaps that was a way for the universe to tell her she had had enough. So in a way, she was glad.  
But as it turns out, the universe had no plans of sparing her life for during her last weeks she had found hope. For the first time in a long time she had something to hold on to, a reason to live. In the span of those few weeks she had been spending in the hospital, she had fallen in love.  
She wanted to get away from that horrible place and build a new life, with her. A life in which they could both be happy, together, in which she could give Sunny everything.  
How ironic, she thought. She was given two things she would have been happy with, but not at the same time. She’d have been happy if her suffering would just cease, and would also have been happy if she had found her will to live once again. Those were the worst blessings she could have ever been cursed with.  
She finally understood Sunny. She finally understood her denial, her wish for it all to just be a bad dream.   
But it wasn’t.  
She felt powerless.   
Taeyeon was trapped in this limbo in which she had never been happier and sadder at the same time. It was not depression, and that she knew very well. If it was, she wouldn’t be feeling anything at all, but she was, too much.  
It was an overwhelming amount of joy that poured over her being, being crushed upon arrival by the most excruciating pain she had ever felt.  
So when they talked about the end, Taeyeon cried. More than when her parents died, more than when Seohyun died, more than when Tiffany left. She cried in hopes that the heaviness of her being was eased by the strong flow of tears that rushed from her eyes. In hopes that the universe would take mercy on her.

For Sunny, the story was completely different.   
When Jessica told her about the tests’ results, she had never felt more hopeless. All of her hard work was finally paying off, she was finally getting where she had always dreamed to, but that one sentence made her whole world crumble at her feet.  
She was in denial, no, it can’t be, she thought. She thought about her two best friends, her father, about everyone that meant something to her. She made the two promise they’d move on, but also made them promise they’d never forget her.  
She had so much she wanted to tell her father, but she couldn’t. In the end, it didn’t matter, he ended his own life.  
Sunny blamed herself, for not trying harder to make her father happy, for not having prepared him for the news.  
But it all changed when she met Taeyeon. Something about the girl made her feel at peace, as if everything was going to be ok. She made her feel complete and accomplished.   
And just like that, all of her uncertainty, all of her fears, they all vanished.  
She had accepted her fate.

\-------------------------

It was the last week. Their last 7 days. Their last 168 hours, 1080 minutes, 604800 seconds.

Saturday

It was their last weekend together so Sooyoung and Yoona decided to surprise their two friends. They asked Jessica if they could take their two friends out of the hospital for the weekend. At first, she denied, saying that they needed to be in the hospital in case something happened. But they were stubborn and reasoned, saying that the chances of an attack were very slim and that it was their last week and they just wanted to do something meaningful together.   
After a bit more of discussion, they got Jessica’s approval.

“Pack your bags, ladies. We are going on a road trip” Sooyoung announced after slamming the door open and pointing her finger at the two startled girls inside. Sooyoung was one for big entrances.

About an hour later the four were inside of the taller couple’s car, headed somewhere the other two had no knowledge of.  
And three hours later they saw themselves on a deserted beach.  
“Um, Soo, we didn’t pack any swimwear” Sunny said once they parked in front of a cute small beach house right next to the beach itself.  
“Who said we’re going in the water?” the girl said, putting on her sunglasses. Classy.  
“You’re so weird” the short girl said.

The beach house had two bedrooms, one kitchen and one bathroom. Very, very, small, but more than enough for them. Once they set their belongings in which of their respective rooms, they headed for the beach. Of course, not before Sooyoung appeared on Sunny and Taeyeon’s room and said: Hope you don’t mind sharing a room, winked, and left.

They spent most of the day laying down on the sand, eating snacks, talking and watching the waves. Once real hunger hit they decided to have dinner at this restaurant nearby that seemed to be the only place you could eat at in the whole city. It wasn’t all that good, but they didn’t care.  
After getting some ice cream at a cute ice cream parlor they found, that was actually pretty good, they decided to go back to the beach house and have some rest.  
That night Sunny and Taeyeon made love for the first and last time.

Sunday

Sunday was spent much like the day before, just their fun was cut short since they had to head back to the hospital otherwise Jessica would chop their heads off.  
It was already quite late when they arrived, bidding the two tall girls goodbye with ‘thank yous’ and hugs.  
They started sharing one of the beds that night, something they did every day until the end of the week. 

\-------------------------

Sooyoung and Yoona took a break from work to spend their friends’ last week by their side.

Monday

On Monday they decided to hold an ice cream party.

Tuesday

On Tuesday it was a pizza party.

Wednesday

On Wednesday it was a Sooyoung’s embarrassing childhood pictures and videos party, a courtesy of Yoona.

Thursday

On Thursday it was a let’s annoy the shit out of Yuri and Hyoyeon party.

Friday

On Friday it was a let’s just chill and enjoy each other’s company party.

\-------------------------

Saturday

Today was the last day.  
They decided to wake up a couple of hours earlier than usual so they could stare into each other’s eyes for a bit longer.  
They had breakfast and lunch, receiving pitiful looks from the hospital’s volunteers, but they didn’t care.

When their friends arrived the mood was heavy, but today they were not going to pretend everything was ok, because it was not, and that was ok.

The two hospitalised girls were sitting upright on one of the beds while the other two were sitting on the edge. They hugged.  
“No matter what, we, we are always going to re-remember you two as the best friends we could have ever had” Sooyoung said between sobs.  
“T-thank you so much, for everything. It’s so unfair that you have to go but just know that we will always love you and we will never forget you” Yoona said, also crying.   
Sunny and Taeyeon didn’t say anything, they didn’t have to.   
They spent hours in each other’s embrace, enjoying the last moments they would get together, just remembering every memory they had, every laugh, every tear.  
When they were told visitation hours were over for the day, their hearts shattered just a bit more. They asked for 10 more minutes, which were granted with no resistance.  
One more tight hug, one more I love you, and their two friends hesitantly left. They didn’t sleep that night, they stayed up in each other’s embrace waiting for the hospital to call.

“So this is it” Taeyeon said as soon as Sooyoung and Yoona had left.  
“Now I guess it’s our turn to give our goodbye speeches”   
“I’ll start” the blonde said.  
“Ok”  
She took a deep breath, “You know, after Seo, after Tiffany, I had completely lost any wish to live. I had been living in this sort of vegetative state until I found out about the disease. And I” she breathed out, “I was glad, that it would all end. But then, then you happened and… I’ve never felt so alive” she paused, “Sunny, you, you made me feel hopeful for the first time in a long time. I wish this was not happening, I wish we could have a life together, but right now, I think perhaps this is enough. You gave me something to be proud of and I couldn’t wish for anything more right now” another pause, “For a while now I had been thinking about how unfair it was that I had finally found my will to live but had to die right after, but now, now I think that it’s ok, because I can die happy, knowing that I made someone happy. So… Thank you, thank you for bringing me to life again”.  
When she looked to her side, Sunny was shedding tears again, and said “My turn”.  
“I was devastated when I learned about the disease, I was so angry, it was not fair” she tried to calm herself down to continue, “But, something changed. I don’t know what it is about you but you make me feel safe, you make all of my worries simply vanish and even though I fucked things up with my father, you make me feel like it’s ok, that even though it is unfair, everything is going to be fine. You helped me accept my fate and now, even though nobody could ever be ready for something like this” she took a deep breath, “I feel like I don’t have to resent it anymore, that I can bid the world goodbye with no regrets” she breathes out, “So thank you”.  
“I love you”  
“I love you too”  
It was the first time they had said the words.

It was nearing midnight when they finally laid down. They embraced each other and waited.  
Those had been the most meaningful couple of months of their lives. They met, got to know each other, fell in love. And now, they are spending their last moments together. With a clear mind, trying not to panic over their imminent fate.  
The love they felt was so deep, and yet so recent. 

When midnight struck and darkness poured over them, their ephemeral love turned eternal.


End file.
